Do cheaters miss their ex? This is the question that plagues countless people who have been cheated on. The answer, of course, isn’t simple and depends on a variety of psychological factors, the nature of the cheating, and the context in which the infidelity occurred.
Whether cheaters feel remorse, regret, and want their exes back can be a low-key nightmare for anyone who’s been cheated on. And for those who have been cheated on and those who have cheated, such knowledge can illuminate the profound and bewildering set of emotions that accompany these relationship-ending betrayals.
The psychodynamics of after-the-affair emotions tell us intriguing things about human behavior, how men and women attach, and how choices affect who we become. Moreover, studies have found that not all cheaters feel the same regret or pining for an ex.
The Psychology Behind Cheating and Regret
Understanding the Cheater’s Mindset
The psychological territory of a cheater is complex and multilayered. Moreover, cheating might serve as an emotion regulation strategy for individuals who are high in avoidant attachment. Cheating is a way for them to avoid commitment, a way for them to disentangle themselves from a partner, while at the same time holding onto the safety and the comfort of a relationship. Escaping is an unconscious defense and doesn’t usually come from selfishness.
And additionally, many members don’t even realize how bad their cheating is until after a relationship has concluded. Sometimes cheaters don’t realise the gravity of what they’ve done until it’s too late. As they come to grips with the pain they have caused, they might experience genuine remorse and sorrow. When this occurs, they might finally realize they miss their ex and wish they could turn back time and make things right.
In the early days of infidelity, cheating, affairs, excuse-making, and rationalization were in full swing. A lot of cheaters, though — when the harsh realities of lost love and betrayal slap them in the face — experience an epiphany. This emotional shift often results in deep regret and a wish they had it back.
The Role of Attachment Styles
Attachment theory can help explain if cheaters miss their ex-partners. People with various attachment styles experience and deal with separation uniquely. The anxious attached person feels intense regret and desperate longing for the ex after having cheated.
In contrast, individuals with avoidant attachment styles may initially feel relief and endure delayed regret. Furthermore, people with secure attachment styles who engage in infidelity experience a sequence of shame when they give in to their extramarital urges, and afterwards suffer immense longing for their ankylosis.
These attachment styles affect the propensity to be unfaithful and govern how people feel after the fact. So, identifying your ex’s attachment style is an excellent indicator of whether he/she will miss you after betraying you.
6 Types of Cheaters and Their Likelihood to Miss Their Ex
1. The Opportunistic Cheater
Opportunistic cheaters act quickly when unexpected opportunities for infidelity arise. Since these people tend to be very attached to their original partner, they fail to think straight in a moment of temptation. As a result, they often feel deep regret and miss their exes.
Most of these cheaters usually soon realize that they have messed up and feel so much guilt. Secondly, they know they’ve given up a good relationship for short-term satisfaction. This understanding often translates to continuous thoughts about their ex and what they had.
With the opportunistic cheater, there is the regret of knowing you hurt someone they loved. So they are among the most likely to feel the pangs of missing their ex and wanting him back.
2. The Emotional Cheater
Emotional cheaters find themselves intimately falling in love with someone other than their significant other. They justify their behaviour because they haven’t technically crossed physical boundaries. However, their other half can find emotional betrayal to be just as brutal.
When emotional cheating is the reason relationships end, people involved are often left feeling this way. They may grieve for both their ex-partner and their affair partner, for instance. On top of this, they are concerned about the emotional resources they pulled away from their original relationship.
Emotional cheaters miss their ex-partners, particularly if the affair doesn’t turn out to be something serious. But they know that while they may have lost someone who offered some stability and concrete love, they latched onto a potentially impermanent emotional one.
3. The Serial Cheater
Some serial cheaters may not miss their exes as they have been in numerous relationships already. These guys have recurring affairs and are typically commitment and/or psychological derelicts.
He is a serial philanderer who leaves one relationship for another without having the time to process the hurt caused. They might feel guilty for a few hours, but quickly shove their guilt aside to continue enjoying life as they know it. However, some serial cheaters do get to the point where they realize that they can no longer continue on the path of destruction.
Because when you’re a serial cheater who does miss your ex, it usually means that after a long time of perpetual instability and psycho, shallow love, they’ve finally realized what a stable, sane, and honestly, loving person you are. Sometimes this realization does not dawn until after years of unsatisfying relationships or as an after-effect of personal growth through therapy.
4. The Exit Cheater
Exit cheaters rely on cheating as the catalyst for breaking up. They might feel stuck or unsatisfied, but honestly, they don’t have the guts to start a breakup. Instead, they cheat because they want to get out of the relationship.
These people, however, go through a love/hate relationship because they miss their ex. On the one hand, they wanted the relationship to be over. At the same time, they may regret the hurtful manner in which they ended things with you. They may also find themselves missing aspects of their ex-partner or the relationship, even while feeling like they can finally breathe.
Exit cheaters probably won’t feel the pangs of being away from their ex-partner as much because the cheating was intentional rather than a moment of bad judgment. But they might regret the heartbreak or wish they had done things differently.
5. The Revenge Cheater
Revenge cheaters cheat on their spouses out of a desire to avenge perceived slights or punishment they received in a previous life. They cheat because they worry their partner is cheating or feel alone and unappreciated. This type of infidelity is often more about anger and pain than it is about genuine interest in another person.
After the dust of “paying them back” settles, revenge cheaters often feel deep regret. They understand that their behavior has ruined any chance of working on their issues in their relationship. Additionally, they might find they were worried over nothing, resulting in guilt.
Because the revenge cheater acted on impulse rather than an honest call to terminate a relationship, there’s a high risk that you will both miss each other at some point. They regret not having shared how they felt instead of cheating.
6. The Conflicted Cheater
Conflicted cheaters genuinely love their partner but struggle with internal conflicts about commitment, sexuality, or life choices. They may be deceived by an overwhelming amount of guilt and confusion. These folks keep right on cheating even after they realize they’re causing pain to their mate.
A Conflicted Cheater Will Almost Always Miss Their Ex-Partner. They never wanted to lose them to begin with. They only cheat because they have their own issues to deal with, not because they are unhappy with you. Thus, they usually feel the worst breakup remorse and miss the person after the relationship is over.
These cheaters may spend years missing their ex-partner and wondering what might have been if they had made different choices. Their regret is often compounded by the knowledge that they hurt someone they truly loved.
When Cheaters Are Most Likely to Miss Their Ex
Immediate Aftermath
The immediate aftermath of a relationship ending due to cheating varies significantly among individuals. For some cheaters, the regret comes when they know there is no turning back. Others may be relieved and have a sense of freedom or excitement after a disconnection in a marriage.
Considering the condition of the relationship, the situation of the relationship, and the variety of cheaters, the fact is that most cheaters eventually miss their ex. Cheaters who regret what they did experience this feeling because they feel guilty and want to ease the hurt by mending the relationship after the affair.
The shock of a life-altering loss doesn’t usually come immediately. Instead, it can take weeks or months for the consequences of its decisions to become apparent. Valentine’s Day – this is when cheaters miss their exes badly.
When the New Relationship Falters
Many cheaters find out that their affair partner isn’t relationship material. The excitement and novelty that made the fair relationship fodder often don’t translate into relationship compatibility. Besides, you lie, and your relationships do not stand on solid ground.
Cheaters miss their exes if their current partners are cheating on them. The signs he regrets cheating on my ex were only visible when his new girlfriend cheated on him with another guy. This cruel irony often also acts as a lesson to cheaters about the price of cheating.
Cheaters often consider their betrayal differently when it happens to them. This usually causes severe regret and a willingness to have back the safety and confidence they had before.
During Lonely Moments
Losing your ex to the next person is one of the worst feelings one can experience, and that feeling does not just slowly go away. Cheaters can be lonely after losing their primary relationship and support. They may also be burdened with guilt and shame that hinder them from establishing new, significant relationships.
Birthdays, holidays, and dates can stir up experiences of regret and longing. Moreover, they may run into mutual friends or walk past places that remind them of their ex. In such moments, the players are forced to realize what they have put behind themselves as a result of their behavior.
Suddenly, when things are tough, life throws a stark realisation at them – albeit an “ex” – isn’t there for them. This fact often makes them regret the harm they have caused and wish they could turn back the clock.
When They Experience Karma
It’s more like they miss their ex when they suddenly realize how much they overestimated their worth and underestimated the cost of their ex and the role they played in keeping them from being miserable. This realization often comes to cheaters themselves when they come up against their obstacles and can see just how much support they’ve lost.
Life’s unavoidable problems become harder to manage without a loving, supportive partner. Cheaters might also be puzzling over some of the problems that their ex helped them solve. This discovery can bring great regret and desire for their past love.
The lack of unconditional love and support becomes evident when the cheaters experience difficulty. They might learn the hard way what was good and worth giving something up for a little thrill or novelty.
Signs That Your Cheating Ex Misses You
Direct Communication Attempts
Direct communication is one of the clearest signals that an ex who cheated misses you. They might text, call, or email you with apologies, explanations, or appeals to get back together. And they might turn to you on meaningful dates or during difficult times.
These efforts to communicate typically start casually but can develop into increasing amounts of communication and more intense feelings over time. Beyond that, they might wish they had never done what they did. But you should tread lightly with such communications and put your healing first.
Other cheating exes have also used mutual friends or family members to try to stay in touch after the breakup. They may inquire about your welfare or express regret to others, who probably tell you they said it.
Social Media Behavior
Your ex’s sentiments are no secret on social media. They will regularly engage with, like, comment on, or share your posts. Then, they may share things that look like attempts to make you notice or remember the two of you together.
Some of these cheating exes might not post much about their new relationship or seem less happy in their posts. They may also religiously follow your social media stories or like things that remind them of you.
Altered behavior on their social media, from posting throwback photos to ambiguous posts about the relationship, can sometimes be a ploy to let you know they’re longing for you. However, we should be careful not to read too much into social media activity alone.
Indirect Contact Methods
If you have a cheating ex who still misses you, they may try indirect tactics to keep that closeness possible. They may appear at places where they know you are the same way you did, or ask other people about you. They can also send you a gift or flowers without communication.
Some others also contact you via a professional network or invent excuses to get in touch with you about everyday things. Additionally, they could show up at places where they think you will be or insert themselves into your social circle.
These indirect gestures of contact are typically a sign that they want to reconnect but fear a direct rejection. But it’s essential to keep your place and concentrate on your healing.
The Reality of Cheater Regret
Genuine Remorse vs. Convenience
Regret is not authentic in the mouth of a cheating ex. There are a few reasons why some cheaters might crop back up: Maybe the cheatee’s new relationship isn’t going as well as he thought it would, maybe he’s feeling lonely, or perhaps he realizes he needs a particular kind of emotional support. And they may be nostalgic for the comfort and ease of their old relationship, not nostalgia for their former partner in particular.
True repentance means fully accepting one’s own responsibility without excuses or shifting blame. It also involves understanding just how much pain one has caused and making sure one shows sustained change in behavior over time.
It’s important to distinguish between someone who misses you and someone who simply misses what you provided for them. True regret involves personal growth, accountability, and a genuine desire to make amends regardless of the outcome.
The Complexity of Post-Affair Emotions
Based on psychological research, we know that people who cheat are (generally) enjoying their cheating. Moreover, they don’t genuinely regret their actions about cheating on their significant other. They may feel sorry that it made the other party feel, but only that. Being in love isn’t easy to deduce, and empathizing with what cheaters are undergoing with their post-affair depression isn’t easy.
The emotional topography after an affair is seldom straightforward. Those who cheat will often feel relief, guilt, regret, and longing all at the same time. It’s very possible that their feelings could evolve with time as they continue to grapple and sort through the complex and overwhelming nature of the fallout from their decision.
Grasping this complexity is essential for both betrayed partners and those who cheated. It helps to explain why some cheaters (they’re the ones claiming to miss you while also continuing with the fuckboi nonsense they know will keep you from reconciling) can act like they care and also not care at all.
Moving Forward: What This Means for You
If You’re the Betrayed Partner
You want to know if your cheating ex misses you, so this can give you some emotional closure if it’s the answer you were hoping to hear. Still, we’re not slaves to closure; closure shouldn’t dictate your self-healing. Concentrate on processing the sadness and rebuilding your life, not whether they’ve realized the error of their ways. Also, missing someone doesn’t necessarily mean they are “different” or “ready for a healthy relationship.”
Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate the complex emotions following infidelity. Furthermore, use this time to rediscover your own worth and rebuild your confidence outside of the relationship.
Whether or not your ex misses you, your healing and happiness should be your primary focus. You deserve a partner who values and respects you enough not to betray your trust in the first place.
If You’re the One Who Cheated
Suppose you’re a cheater and miss your ex. In that case, you owe it to yourself to take full responsibility for your actions without seeking excuses. Moreover, try to figure out why you cheated and the reasons behind your actions.
Consider one-on-one therapy to deal with your issues and learn how to have better relationships. Also, let their ex-partner have time and space to heal before asking them to forgive or return.
If you do and are genuinely interested in rebuilding the relationship, prepare for a long, slow trust-building process. It takes daily actions to perform this; you may never have reconciliation after all your efforts.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
That can vary widely depending on the person and what's going on. Some cheaters are overwhelmed by guilt, while others don't return to normal until months or years later. This timeline is affected by factors like the type of cheating, attachment style, and the success of their new relationship.
Yes, many cheaters also feel a sense of regret, particularly when considering those genuinely affected by their decision. However, this remorse has a wide range of depth and sincerity. Some regret getting caught more than any actual cheating, while others feel a deep sense of regret for letting themselves get caught for going there in the first place.
Some of your unfaithful exes will try to get back together, but you never know. Wanting them back also doesn't mean they've changed or are suddenly ready for a healthy relationship. Reside in your healing, instead of waiting around for their return.
Genuine remorse is taking full responsibility, not making excuses, repeatedly demonstrating how behavior has changed, and respecting your boundaries. Results-oriented: Be suspicious of exes who blame circumstances and hurry to make things good or who haven't gotten to the bottom of what made them cheat in the first place.
This is an extremely personal decision, and there are a lot of things to consider beyond the nature of the cheating, how much they've shown they've changed, and your healing process. If you're considering getting back together, consider couples therapy and don't act hastily.
But when the person you cheat with -- whether one or more -- becomes someone you love, a serial cheater should be less likely to pine after people you've left on the side before. Yet some will feel one day that they carried them too far away and regret the certainty and genuine love they repeatedly rejected.
Other cheaters seem to have sailed into the sunset because of avoidant attachment styles, relationships with the ones they cheated with, or good defense mechanisms that prevent them from feeling guilt and regret. Moreover, that apparent ease doesn't necessarily mean they won't regret it later.
Change can happen, but it will take a lot of self-awareness, therapy, and work over time. Mere yearning for an ex-partner isn't evidence of real change. Look for tangible signs such as attendance in therapy, accountability, and addressing real issues.
Protect yourself and focus on healing yourself. You don't have to engage with their attempts to contact you. And if you do engage, set boundaries and don't allow their regret to derail your healing.
Yes, wanting validation that your relationship meant something to your ex is predictable. This feeling is part of recovery. Instead, work more and more for yourself and don't search for someone who has hurt you as validation. How long does it take for cheaters to miss their ex?
Do cheaters ever genuinely regret their actions?
Will my cheating ex come back?
How can I tell if my ex's regret is genuine?
Should I take back a cheating ex who misses me?
Do serial cheaters ever miss their ex-partners?
Why do some cheaters seem to move on so quickly?
Can cheaters change and become faithful partners?
What should I do if my cheating ex contacts me?
Is it normal to want my cheating ex to miss me?
Conclusion
Do cheaters miss their ex partners? It depends on many factors, including the manner of cheating, how attached you are to each other, what kind of person you are, etc. Though many cheaters regret their behavior and one day find themselves pining for their squandered relationship, it doesn’t necessarily follow that they’ve transformed themselves and are now ready for a healthy relationship.
Insight into the mindset of those who feel aggressively wronged post-affair is helpful for both betrayed partners and cheaters. But the emphasis should primarily be on healing, discovering, and creating yourself in a healthier light, and learning from now on to do it well.
Keep in mind that whether or not your cheating ex is missing you, your value is not based on whether they now feel regret. Centre your healing journey and create a life with people around you who treat you with respect and take you seriously.
References:
- Personal Development School. (2025). Do Cheaters Miss Their Ex?
- PINKVILLA. (2024). Do Cheaters Miss Their Ex? Here’s What You Should Know
- Psychology Today. (2023). Why Infidelity Is So Often Not Regretted
- Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. (2023). I Learned When Cheaters Are Most Likely To Miss Their Ex
- PsychCentral. (2021). Long-Term Psychological Effects of Infidelity
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